I'm trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life after all
Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore.
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.
I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a B-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper
And I was free.
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.
I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as I'd been the night before
I went in seeking clarity.
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.
We go to the bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
The above are lyrics to a song "Closer I am to fine" by the INDIGO GIRLS (THANKS KELLY!). This particular song is one that is very important to me and really seems to define me. I mean, listen to the lyrics; it's me in a nut shell. I am always over analyzing situations and looking for a definitive meaning in things, yet the less I seek that definitive, the closer I really am to being fine. Brian seems to be showing me in many ways, unbeknown to him, that consistently analyzing life doesn't really give me the answers I am looking for. Honestly, this song was a favorite of mine, way before Brian, but since Brian, it has renewed meaning for me.
I am one, who uses music in many ways. Each song that becomes a favorite, has a special meaning to me; the lyrics and the tune. Each time I listen to the song, sing along and dance to it, my mind takes in the real meaning of it and it helps ground me. Each song that I dedicate to someone, has a special meaning and that song will always belong to that particular person; forever. It's weird, I find music so defining and so comforting.
Well, she was an American girl
Raised on promises
She couldn't help thinkin' that
There was a little more to life
Somewhere else
After all it was a great big world
With lots of places to run to
Yeah, and if she had to die
Ttryin'
She had one little promise
She was gonna keep
O yeah, all right
Take it easy, baby
Make it last all night
She was an American girl
Well, it was kind of cold that night
She stood alone on her balcony
Yeah, she could hear the cars roll by
Out on 441
Like waves crashin' on the beach
And for one desperate moment there
He crept back in her memory
God it's so painful
With something that's so close
Is still so far out of reach
O yeah, all right
Take it easy, baby
Make it last all night
She was an American girl
Aahhh, Tom Petty, "American Girl". Yep, thats me alright. Raised on promises, looking for more out of life in places I have never been to. Sitting alone, many times, just watching and waiting. Then desperation, I am alone, the desperate wanting of that perfect person, to be with them, painful to deal with knowing where they are but I cannot be with them; so close but still out of reach. Sigh.
It's funny; dating that is. In the past, almost year, that I have been dating, no one comes close to Brian. NO ONE. I mean, yeah, I had fun with the younger boys and to this day, sometimes I see a younger guy and think about how fun it would be again but it's not what I want. One nighters are not my thing, neither is a "just for fun" type relationship. I want what I have never had and for whatever reason, in many ways, it's there with Brian. He is fun; he likes sports like I do, likes to go out and enjoy a beer or two. He makes me laugh all the time; and even just the thought of him and I am grinning ear to ear. When I am with him, everything that seemed like a huge worry or problem becomes insignificant; he calms me and makes me feel like I am the world when I am in his presence. His hug, kiss, caress; all of it seems to be 500 times more intensified than anything I have ever experienced and most importantly he appreciates what I do for him.
This song is dedicated to Brian :)
You Make me Smile By Uncle Kracker
You're better then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler than the flip side
Of my pillow, that's right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where
You send me, lets me know that it's okay
Yeah, it's okay
And the moments where my good times start to fade
You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile
Even when you're gone,
Somehow you come along just like
A flower pokin' through the sidewalk crack
And just like that
You steal away the rain, and just like that
You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile
Don't know how I lived without you
'Cause every time that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile
(Oh, you make me smile)
Oh, you make me smile
(Oh, you make me smile)
Oh, you make me smile
