Mood: Content, Chipper, and definitely hopeful!
Geesh, so much happens on a daily basis, I could be here all day writing! And as you can probably tell, I do love to write. I was thinking the other day, you know some people are very private, keep everything to themselves while others, like me, are a complete open book. My theory on me is that I write to help balance myself; writing down my thoughts many times allows me to think beyond the now and quickly move past thoughts and feelings that could be detrimental. Also, without people like me who share so much about themselves, you, my reader, would not have examples to relate to that help you better yourself and learn. Is it a risk I take, putting my life out there? Absolutely, but what is life without risk? Playing safe gets you nowhere and fast. Here is a favorite quote of mine:
"Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down."
— Ray Bradbury
Here is another:
“The person, who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.”
Leo F. Buscaglia
Leo F. BuscagliaSo, I take the risk. Put my life out there for you to read.
Now, let's get back to Brian, quickly. We are friends. How far that actually goes is yet to be seen. His choice. What kills me is being led on for a few weeks but I guess he was still sorting out his feelings, I will give him that. As I have stated in the past, under no circumstance do ever wish Brian any ill. No matter how mad I am at him; my anger is directed to actions not the person; actions of myself as well as his.
Now, moving on....
So, I recently picked up a tutoring gig. I am actually very excited! I get to tutor a high school kid in Spanish (FINALLY I get to use my language skills!). 8 years of Spanish classes, I hope I can tutor him..LOL - RANDOM THOUGHT - La Bamba....as that was played last night; I wondered how many in the crowd actually knew the correct Spanish words and their meaning! I am such a NERD!
Another thing I did was I started to work at the high school sports games; its extra money and gets me out of the house. So, I keep the score book at Wrestling matches and will be doing different things at the school basketball games! I always love being with the kids at school, it’s like home to me, so I am happy.
Starting going back to the gym on a regular basis again; I had stopped going due to just being exhausted for the first two months of school. A student I had was just very difficult; multiple restraints on a daily basis that required 4 people to hold him. I was usually tired and hurting, so I opted to skip the gym. Who needs the gym when you’re getting a workout in another way, right?? Still happens now, like last week, running 4 flights of steps 6 or 7 times in a day but it is not an everyday occurrence that wipes me out. I think I will go back to tanning too. Doctor states it is good for me, very vitamin D deficient, so why not!
Lots going on with the kids and custody and child support but I can’t really talk about it until after court.
So, let’s discuss my hopeful feeling :)
After spending time thinking and reflecting on things, I have found that my initial thoughts, after meeting a particular person months ago, should have been followed up on. I did not originally because as I am sure you can guess, I am pretty loyal to a person (if 17 years in an abusive marriage doesn’t show loyalty, I don’t know what does!). If I am dating someone, after the initial first two or three dates, and I know that I like the person, I do not date anyone else. I have done pity dates, you know when you break up with a person and just need to go out with someone to make you feel better but I don’t do that often. And me being me, always feels so awful and guilty about doing it :( Anyway, back to my original thought. So there is this guy, and I knew I wanted to get to know him, even if it was just friends. He is talented in many ways, humble and sweet. He has the perfect mix of being a gentleman but showing feelings at the same time. He is not hard to read and his eyes say a lot. Did you ever meet someone who you could stare into their eyes for a long time and just feel comfortable, almost like you can read their mind? That’s this guy. But unfortunately for you, my reader, I will not divulge much more information. I have decided that I am going to do this one the right way. I will not be blogging specifics and blow by blows. I will not rush things but let them take its course. I want to get to know this person, all about him, enough so that no matter what, he will stay a friend even if that’s all this is! I RESPECT this person way too much and what’s funny is I think that’s why it is different. There is respect; something that was not there with others, even Brian. No matter how happy I was with Brian, it was all fun and in all honesty this was the relationship built upon sex but no real respect on either of our parts. So, at this time, you may see me blog poems and stories, that may relay feelings and thoughts but it will be very vague. Enough so that the particular guy, if he reads my blogs will know but no one else will. So with this, I ask that you just wish me luck on playing my cards the right way this time. I am hopeful to a new year with a great guy.
Well, off to bake xmas cookies and help the kids with their school projects. Happy reading and thanks to all of you who support me each day! I love you all!
Jenn
